Caleb's Story
Caleb brother died in a car accident from speeding.
After the funeral he just felt angry. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him alone? People kept telling him how sorry they were for him and asking him if he was okay. His mom signed him up for bereavement classes at the hospice next to the hospital. “I don’t want to go,” Caleb told his mom, “I fine mom”. She made him go anyway.
When he first got there he was irritated to see the other teens. They have no idea what I’m feeling, Caleb thought. The woman that came in, Michelle, was not overly cheerful, but pleasant. She talked about the rules; that they couldn’t laugh at each other, interrupt each other—the same rules he’d heard since elementary school. Caleb was seriously annoyed. He watched the clock tick by. The first thing they did was going around the table and sharing their loss. Name, who you lost and how, and how you were feeling that day. Caleb listened as each person spoke. All of them had experienced a loss of
someone very close to them, and of them we’re also “fine” and “okay”, some were “sad”; but Caleb could tell they really weren’t fine or okay, everyone was sad.
That first day they played a game. As they went around the game board they had to answer questions. What was the last thing you said? What was your favorite memory? What would they say to you if they could send you a message right now? Halfway through the game, Caleb realized he wasn’t “fine”. He was sad and missed his brother.
The leader, Michelle, talked to them about things they could do at home when they missed their loved one, who they could contact if they needed to talk to someone, and accepting the loss. Caleb wasn’t angry anymore. He understood that no one else would understand his specific loss, but these other people understood their own voids. Caleb exchanged email address with some of the other guys and met them a few times a month to play basketball outside of group.
He continued to come to group. They played more games and talked more about the grieving process. They did “art therapy” where they expressed their feelings and made things in honor of their loss loved ones. It’s been two years, and Caleb still misses his brother, but he has accepted his brother is gone.
“I appreciate life more now. I understand that we aren’t going to live forever, and I want to get the most out of life that I can. I enjoy every day. I miss Mike, but I know the memories we had together are always with me, and I’ll never forget what a great older brother he was to me.”
Caleb still plays basketball with the guys a few times a month.
"I feel bad saying this, because I will never forget my brother, but I move on a little more everyday. It does get easier."
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